Another year is winding down while a new year awaits its welcome. I never understood the premise behind the new year celebrations, but the older I get, the more I understand. The one day celebration is done so that we can welcome a new year and hopefully new beginnings. So that we can restart our lives a better version of our past year’s self. I hope what I’m writing makes sense, that’s just my understanding of the whole new year’s celebrations.
Currently, I’m going through another phase of depression. I think my depression is affected by seasonal changes and tends to get worse during the winter months. There was a time when I romanticized winter, but now with the whole depression component, it’s just harder to appreciate the colder weather. Anyway, because of this phase of depression I’m currently going through, I really wanted to just do a recap of 2017 and create resolutions for the upcoming year.
Let’s begin with a recap of 2017. I didn’t like the year 2016, so when 2017 came around I was truly looking forward to it. I’m not really a superstitious person or anything, but generally the odd-numbered years have always fared well for me in comparison to the even-numbered years. But honestly, when I think about it, 2016 wasn’t really bad, and neither was 2017.
In 2017, I did things that were well out of my comfort zone. It was our last didactic year in school, so once we were done with our final exams, our class had planned a bar crawl. Now, I’m not really someone who goes to things like this. I never even went to my high school prom because I just did not want to socialize with everyone in my class. So I went to bar crawl with my friends and went to a sort of pregame party before bar crawl with my friends. It was a wonderful way to relax after the tough 5 years we had at school. It was also the first time I kind of got the real college experience that I had always secretly desired.
Then rotations started on May 30th, and I discovered things about myself that I had never realized. My preceptors thought I was very knowledgeable and knew the information, but I needed just a little bit more guidance and a lot more confidence in my answers. They thought I was a very empathetic individual who really tried to understand how patients felt. I heard so many wonderful things about myself from my preceptors and grew so much as a person and as a healthcare practitioner. Rotations were one of the best things about 2017.
Amongst all this, I decided to take another step forward in my life. I made an account on a dating app for Muslims. Now, if you’re a regular reader, then you know I’m a hopeless romantic who has always desired to find the one. I was kind of tired of being alone and the pressure from my dad to get married got to me. I made my account during finals week, and man was I distracted that entire week. All in all, I am going to say that making an account on the app was a great way for me to overcome my shyness and build a little more confidence in myself. There were downsides to it as well, but we’re all about the positivity lately so that’s all I want to say about this rendezvous.
In December, I went on my first vacation/trip without my parents. If you know me, you know how close I am with my parents and though I am very independent, I can depend on my parents quite a lot. This trip was one of the best trips I’ve went on and it allowed me to overcome my fear of traveling alone. It was also one week where I had to live on my own–that meant making the bed in the morning, making sure to eat all 3 meals, etc etc. I have to say I loved the independence and feeling of living alone. I did get homesick a few times and really missed my mother’s delicious homemade meals. I also got to go to Disney and Universal for the first time ever which was such a wonderful experience. So much nostalgia.
Those are really the major things that happened to me in 2017 that I feel comfortable sharing. There are a few other things that happened, but I don’t want to share those online for the whole world to read. Even though I’m at one of my lowest points, I think it’s safe to say 2017 was not a terrible year at all.
2018 is a year I’ve been looking forward to since I have started pharmacy school. In May 2018, in shaa Allah, I will graduate and finally get my PharmD degree (that’s when you guys will call me doctor and only doctor). And maybe, just maybe, a girl will find the one, but that’s wishful thinking. Anyway, here are my resolutions for 2018:
- Use social media less. I have realized that social media worsens my depressive episodes. In order to help maintain a steady mood and not sink into anymore severely depressive phases, I have decided to use social media less. I already started working on this resolution when I deactivated my Facebook and Instagram for a few weeks. I am back on both now, but I find myself checking them less and instead using the time spent endlessly scrolling to now read more books. Snapchat is going to be hard for me to give up, but I’m going to try my best (starting today) to not post on there as much.
- Learn to live with the depression rather than fight it. I read this wonderful essay a few days ago about a woman (or a man, I can’t remember) who learned to live with their depression rather than fighting it. It’s hard to constantly try and fight the depression, but I think I need to just accept that it’s a part of me and makes me who I am as a person. I’m not going to let the depression define me, and I am certainly not going to let it get the best of me.
- Eat healthier. This is another one of the resolutions I have sort of started on already. During rotations, I ended up losing some weight because I opted for healthier options instead of the typical pizza, chicken over rice, etc. I want to eat healthier so my body feels more energized and to prevent those carb crashes during the evenings.
- Be more positive. This kind of goes hand in hand with the depression resolution. If I learn to live with the depression and accept that my negative thoughts and feelings are due to it, I can hopefully become a more positive person.
- Accept that everything is the will of God alone. I’m someone who tends to plan for everything in my life–be it wedding, career, children, etc. But that often leads to lots of disappointment and hence more episodes of severe depression. I want to live my life becoming a better Muslim who has faith in God and accepts that whatever happens always happens for the better.
So that’s it for my last post of 2017. I will see you all in the new year!