My preceptor recently assigned me something. It has nothing to do with pharmacy. Pretty much, I have to list three things I am confident about and explain them well. So you know, naturally, I was like not bad I already did that on my blog. I decided to go through my blog and find that entry and then I realized that most of these things were superficial or made no sense. Even though my positive list was much larger than my negative list, I could still find a way to refute those positives. Did I suffer a confidence blow?

I like to think I am a confident person, but in reality, I guess I’m not entirely confident. (As an aside, this was bothering me so much omg: so every time I make a mistake I just say omg i’m so stupid, but now I question whether I mean it. Usually I say it in a joking way. As in lol jk i’m not stupid i just can’t count or do stuff properly. But maybe deep down I mean it. I’m not sure) Many things have happened in the past that have severely decreased my self esteem and confidence level, but I like to believe that maybe, just maybe, I’m overcoming those and being resilient. The other part of my brain says no you’re just suppressing those memories in the your mind, but actually you let those memories affect you in all aspects. 

Regardless, this post is supposed to be a reflection of some sort. I look back at my past and evaluate it. Some of my blog posts on here are so childish. I was contemplating deleting them, but I also wanted to save those posts so I could look back and laugh/reflect. I’m still not sure if I’ll delete them, but just letting you know, world, I am slightly (very very slightly) more mature now. That doesn’t mean the rants will stop. And yes, you will still hear more of that #2kawaii4u. I’m cute, can’t help it. But you know, maybe just maybe, my posts in the future will take on a more mature tone.

Until next time, stay kawaii.

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