Well, I decided to take a serious turn and make this a really srs post about love. Joking aside though, when I first started this blog I initially wanted it to be a place where I vented my feelings and discussed my perspective on things. I never wanted it to be a daily “what I do in my boring life” sort of blog. THIS IS NOT A LIFESTYLE BLOG. It’s simply a medium for me to express my opinions and thoughts concerning certain matters along with sharing snippets of my life. This blog was also intended to help me discover my true self and overcome the hindrance that is SOCIALIZING. I thought it would help me become more confident and welcoming if I shared my blog with people. Well, honestly other than some close friends and tumblr peeps, no one else really knows about my blog. I guess every time I wanted to share it, I hesitated and thought, “maybe they’ll judge me even more” or “no one’s going to read my blog or comment so why bother.” ANYWAY, awkward tangent aside, today I will talk about the universal language aka love.

I am a hopeless inner romantic. There. I said it. Yes, I am absolutely in love with the idea of being in love. However, that does not mean that I want to be in love. Actually that’s something I feel conflicted about. I want to be in love, but the question remains, “can I be in love?” As a Muslim, I’m technically not supposed to interact much with boys and stuff, but I am slightly liberal with my religious views. But still, being liberal, I’m also a bit conservative. (I’ll explain more later, obvs)

So what sparked this post? Well, for some reason, someone I know (I guess I’ll keep the identity confidential. I guess we’re friends sorta, kinda, maybe. We’re definitely not IJK level friends, but lez b real that takes a while, ily bbz) asked me about arranged marriages. Said person knows I’m Muslim, so maybe he was wondering or something idek. Every time someone asks me about this though, I get lost into thought. I begin thinking about this thing called love and marriage and relationships. 

Do I want an arranged marriage? Will someone ever love me? People will only rishta me because I’m a US citizen (and they want the (v)isa). Even if I decide to go the rishta route, will that person ever truly love me? How will I know that the person is the one? SO MANY QUESTIONS. I AM ONLY 20, I SHOULD NOT BE THINKING ABOUT THIS!!111!!
So to answer those questions that go through my mind. I’m not entirely opposed to arranged marriages because they have evolved now. Parents do not automatically decide their child’s fate. The person who is getting married has a hand in it as well. So I guess I wouldn’t entirely be opposed to the idea. I am certainly not 100% wooo go arranged marriage either. Only time can tell. 
Will someone ever love me? Oh only lawd knows the answer to that question. However, never finding love is one of my biggest fears.
People will only rishta me because I’m a US citizen: well screw you people. Let’s get personal here: I have gotten a few rishtas from people in Pakistan, who simply want their son to escape the anarchy going on in Karachi. That’s the thing though. They don’t even consider that though life may seemingly be better for their sons, what kind of marriage would that be? It’s a marriage without love; it’s pretty much a business deal. Though let me thank my wonderful daddy-o, bless that man, for answering on my behalf. (As an aside–note: no italics b/c i’m srs–I cried when I found out about this though. I don’t know why, but when my mom was like hey these ppl want this, and they talked to your dad about it, I started crying. Also I WAS ONLY 18, NOT EVEN IN COLLEGE YET WTF). Another issue I have with this is the fact that they speak to your parents first. Now if it were a boy who fell in love with me and all that’s fabulous about me asking my dad before asking me, then it’s fine (note: these are the typical “love marriages”). But to keep it so secretive and not even mention a word to me, that’s ridiculous (note: typical arranged marriage).
Even if I decide to go the rishta route, will that person ever truly love me? Who knows. I obviously wish that the person loves me, but who knows. I don’t want to be miserable my whole life either, so I’d have to be serious about this stuff.
Finally, how does one know that the person is the ONE? I don’t even know. I’m too immature for that. I haven’t experienced anything like that, so I can’t even fathom it. 
To conclude: I want to find love one day. I guess I’m opposed to the arranged marriage route because I want that typical proposal everyone gets. To have someone you love means exposing yourself in all ways possible. Right now, I can’t even imagine being able to cry my heart out and spill all my feelings to someone (I still hide things from my friends because sometimes they won’t be able to understand the situation I’m going through). It’s a beautiful and wonderful thing that I hope to one day experience. I want to be that old couple who’s still in love after years of marriage. I want my children to look at their parents and want a relationship like that. I have so much more to say, but I will just leave you all with a quote.
Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.
-Oscar Wilde
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