I’ve been feeling pretty down lately, and there are reasons as to why I feel that way. During exam time, which is currently going on in full swing, everything that’s emotional or stressful that I’ve been hiding in the back of my mind decides to burst forward. Is it the most optimal time for this to happen? No it’s definitely not. I don’t want to cry and I always try to prevent exams from getting to me, but everything piles onto my shoulders until I reach that breaking point. That breaking point happened yesterday.
So this summer, a lot of things have happened to me. My 20 year old cousin passed away. I went to Pakistan. I thought I would spend my life with someone who I genuinely liked, only to have reality strike and say that no that’s not possible. And then once the semester started in August, the stress piled up even more. Then there were problems with my parents and problems with my family. And so that piled up on top of everything else. (Now I understand that other people have it waaay worse, but everyone has a different level of stress tolerance. My stress tolerance is relatively high, but yesterday everything just piled on top and I was just done and sobbing.)
This time I decided to take another approach to my stress relief. Usually, in times of high stress, I tend to go on a Tumblr vent/rant or post on this blog in very vague terms. Yesterday, however, I decided to stand in front of a mirror and talk to my own reflection. It sounds insane, but before I knew the more I talked about my problems, the more I felt that burning sensation in my eyes until I was full on crying and sobbing.
I was able to be raw and open with myself, and that was comfortable for once. It felt better because actually dictating what bothered me got my emotions to come forward. Simply typing up a blog post just makes me feel better that at least I wrote out about my problems, but they’re still there in the back of my mind. It doesn’t do anything to make me feel better. Talking to my reflection, as insane as it sounds, made it seem like there was someone there to listen to me. So when I tricked my brain into believing that, the tears naturally started flowing.
I feel better and now I know how to cope with all the mental and emotional stress that builds up from being in pharmacy school. Stress is a natural part of life, but if you can’t do anything to reduce the stress levels, then you slowly just die from the inside until you’re just a reflection of your former self. I saw that change in myself. Letting the stress pile up made me more bitter, angry, and less patient with people around me. I feel much better today. Maybe one day I will stop talking to my reflection and verbalize my feelings to a friend, SO, or my parents. But until then, this shall suffice.