So I literally just got done with an exam, but something I’ve noticed happening with every exam is that we often reach our breaking points and say things we regret. If not that, the high stress levels certainly cause us become someone who we’d never wish to be. Of course, since I’m writing all this something similar has obviously happened to me prior to this exam.

I like to think of myself as someone who is real and takes things as they are. That means if something is terrible, then I will let you know that it is terrible. I’m not going to sugar coat anything… to keep it simple, I could never be an ambassador for the university I attend. I attend a university in NE United States that offers a 6 year PharmD program. In senior year when I was applying to colleges, this university was my last choice, but I was not accepted into my top choice. I wanted to enter a 6 year PharmD program so I could get a doctorate degree in 6 years, so I decided to go to this school hoping I would be able to cope with the fact that this is my last choice.

However, four years into the program and at this school, and I realize I absolutely hate it. It’s an overpriced school that hires professors who do not care about student’s success and well-being. No student here is truly passionate about what they’re learning. The only thing students here care about is the one line on their resume that’s their GPA. The few students who are truly passionate about the practice of pharmacy are so far separated from me (your average old person) that I just feel miserable all the time.

To add on, I have to commute daily to and from school (which in total takes off 2 1/2 hours from my day). My social life is essentially non-existent. I am still the good, old Pakistani girl that my parents have dreamt of.

Not all is bad though. If I didn’t come to this school, I wouldn’t have gotten my hospital job at a wonderful institution where I am so proud to work at. But sadly, this is the only positive thing I see about coming to this school.

I never genuinely feel happy when I go to this school. I’m still not over being rejected from my number one school. I feel like I would be happier there. I would have a better social life. I wouldn’t have to commute, so I could separate myself from the plethora of family problems that I have to experience due to my extended family. It’s easy to say that I should have thought about all this before I made my decision to come to this school.

I did, but as a naive 18 year old, I thought I would be able to handle it. I thought I could just suck it up and deal with it. I have 3 more semesters left of learning and then I have one year of rotations until I am done with this school. I feel grateful for the education I have received from this school and the knowledge that has accumulated. But the most important thing is being happy, and that I can assure you, I am not.