cor ad cor loquitur

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A slightly deewani pharmacy student — December 4, 2015

A slightly deewani pharmacy student

I hate sounding sappy and emotional. Well, to be very honest, I just hate anyone thinking I have emotions that can be toyed with. So what’s the best solution to that problem? Making it seem like I’m a heartless witch (you can replace that w with a b because I’m a classy lady). And now that that’s out of the way, at the risk of sounding sappy and emotional, I’d like to share an aspect of my personality that I have kept well hidden from the entire world– my romantic side (DUN DUN DUN).

DISCLAIMER: Lol, sorry it’s like 8 am in the morning, and I am feeling extra sassy and ironic today so you’ll be seeing a lot of these italicized, paranthesized (IS THIS EVEN A WORD?!?!?!) statements. The blog post itself is meant to be a serious (srsly) about feelings of romance and love and all that jazz.

I’m a lady (a classy one at that), which means that I’ve been planning my entire wedding since forever (ok, so not all ladies do this, but how else am I supposed to word this). So yeah, being a lady, I’ve been planning every single function of my wedding since about 8th grade when I was 13. I am 21 years old now, so this entire shindig (very cool, Komal) is 8 years in the making. I even have general ideas for the honeymoon.

I totally went off on a tangent there. I wanted to talk about my romantic inclinations, and here I am going on and on about how I’ve had my wedding planned since forever. So anyway, since I have that wedding thing all planned, what’s missing. WHY THE GROOM OF COURSE. THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, THE MOON TO MY SUN (y’all know I’m obviously bright and shining like the sun)

(Okay so like I totally forgot that I was writing this post sooo here I am two days later revisiting in trying to gather my thoughts). I want to get married, and sometimes I think that I may just be 21, but I’d be happy with getting at least engaged. That means we’d have time to establish our life together before we went into the real deal. But then I realize my career goals, and I want to do a two year post-grad pharmacy residency. I want to specialize in a an immunology related field while also engaging in direct patient care.

So if I did ever get engaged as someone who’s still in school, then I’d either have to get to the big deal (aka tying the knot) during my last year in pharmacy school or immediately after graduation. Or we could just have a significantly long engagement period. (What am I even talking about though? It’s not like I’m getting engaged anytime soon. But as a moderate Muslim, I want to be in a relationship with someone as long as it’s halal. And the only I’d be comfortable with that every happening would be if I were to engaged to someone.)

The further I get into pharmacy school, the more lonelier I feel. I have friends and I have the most wonderful family, but I don’t have that special someone in my life. I don’t have that person who I can share anything and everything with. I want that level of emotional intimacy with someone in life. But then again, as a Pakistani, I don’t want to go through the traditional arranged route. I’m not opposed to it, but I would love to get to know the guy for a few months or even years before we sealed the deal.

I don’t know, at this point, everyone has someone in their life and I just feel #foreveralone.

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