cor ad cor loquitur

where heart speaks to heart

A slightly deewani pharmacy student — December 4, 2015

A slightly deewani pharmacy student

I hate sounding sappy and emotional. Well, to be very honest, I just hate anyone thinking I have emotions that can be toyed with. So what’s the best solution to that problem? Making it seem like I’m a heartless witch (you can replace that w with a b because I’m a classy lady). And now that that’s out of the way, at the risk of sounding sappy and emotional, I’d like to share an aspect of my personality that I have kept well hidden from the entire world– my romantic side (DUN DUN DUN).

DISCLAIMER: Lol, sorry it’s like 8 am in the morning, and I am feeling extra sassy and ironic today so you’ll be seeing a lot of these italicized, paranthesized (IS THIS EVEN A WORD?!?!?!) statements. The blog post itself is meant to be a serious (srsly) about feelings of romance and love and all that jazz.

I’m a lady (a classy one at that), which means that I’ve been planning my entire wedding since forever (ok, so not all ladies do this, but how else am I supposed to word this). So yeah, being a lady, I’ve been planning every single function of my wedding since about 8th grade when I was 13. I am 21 years old now, so this entire shindig (very cool, Komal) is 8 years in the making. I even have general ideas for the honeymoon.

I totally went off on a tangent there. I wanted to talk about my romantic inclinations, and here I am going on and on about how I’ve had my wedding planned since forever. So anyway, since I have that wedding thing all planned, what’s missing. WHY THE GROOM OF COURSE. THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, THE MOON TO MY SUN (y’all know I’m obviously bright and shining like the sun)

(Okay so like I totally forgot that I was writing this post sooo here I am two days later revisiting in trying to gather my thoughts). I want to get married, and sometimes I think that I may just be 21, but I’d be happy with getting at least engaged. That means we’d have time to establish our life together before we went into the real deal. But then I realize my career goals, and I want to do a two year post-grad pharmacy residency. I want to specialize in a an immunology related field while also engaging in direct patient care.

So if I did ever get engaged as someone who’s still in school, then I’d either have to get to the big deal (aka tying the knot) during my last year in pharmacy school or immediately after graduation. Or we could just have a significantly long engagement period. (What am I even talking about though? It’s not like I’m getting engaged anytime soon. But as a moderate Muslim, I want to be in a relationship with someone as long as it’s halal. And the only I’d be comfortable with that every happening would be if I were to engaged to someone.)

The further I get into pharmacy school, the more lonelier I feel. I have friends and I have the most wonderful family, but I don’t have that special someone in my life. I don’t have that person who I can share anything and everything with. I want that level of emotional intimacy with someone in life. But then again, as a Pakistani, I don’t want to go through the traditional arranged route. I’m not opposed to it, but I would love to get to know the guy for a few months or even years before we sealed the deal.

I don’t know, at this point, everyone has someone in their life and I just feel #foreveralone.

Is it negativity or just the way I’m thinking? — November 18, 2015

Is it negativity or just the way I’m thinking?

So I literally just got done with an exam, but something I’ve noticed happening with every exam is that we often reach our breaking points and say things we regret. If not that, the high stress levels certainly cause us become someone who we’d never wish to be. Of course, since I’m writing all this something similar has obviously happened to me prior to this exam.

I like to think of myself as someone who is real and takes things as they are. That means if something is terrible, then I will let you know that it is terrible. I’m not going to sugar coat anything… to keep it simple, I could never be an ambassador for the university I attend. I attend a university in NE United States that offers a 6 year PharmD program. In senior year when I was applying to colleges, this university was my last choice, but I was not accepted into my top choice. I wanted to enter a 6 year PharmD program so I could get a doctorate degree in 6 years, so I decided to go to this school hoping I would be able to cope with the fact that this is my last choice.

However, four years into the program and at this school, and I realize I absolutely hate it. It’s an overpriced school that hires professors who do not care about student’s success and well-being. No student here is truly passionate about what they’re learning. The only thing students here care about is the one line on their resume that’s their GPA. The few students who are truly passionate about the practice of pharmacy are so far separated from me (your average old person) that I just feel miserable all the time.

To add on, I have to commute daily to and from school (which in total takes off 2 1/2 hours from my day). My social life is essentially non-existent. I am still the good, old Pakistani girl that my parents have dreamt of.

Not all is bad though. If I didn’t come to this school, I wouldn’t have gotten my hospital job at a wonderful institution where I am so proud to work at. But sadly, this is the only positive thing I see about coming to this school.

I never genuinely feel happy when I go to this school. I’m still not over being rejected from my number one school. I feel like I would be happier there. I would have a better social life. I wouldn’t have to commute, so I could separate myself from the plethora of family problems that I have to experience due to my extended family. It’s easy to say that I should have thought about all this before I made my decision to come to this school.

I did, but as a naive 18 year old, I thought I would be able to handle it. I thought I could just suck it up and deal with it. I have 3 more semesters left of learning and then I have one year of rotations until I am done with this school. I feel grateful for the education I have received from this school and the knowledge that has accumulated. But the most important thing is being happy, and that I can assure you, I am not.

Crying is good for the soul — November 6, 2015

Crying is good for the soul

I’ve been feeling pretty down lately, and there are reasons as to why I feel that way. During exam time, which is currently going on in full swing, everything that’s emotional or stressful that I’ve been hiding in the back of my mind decides to burst forward. Is it the most optimal time for this to happen? No it’s definitely not. I don’t want to cry and I always try to prevent exams from getting to me, but everything piles onto my shoulders until I reach that breaking point. That breaking point happened yesterday.

So this summer, a lot of things have happened to me. My 20 year old cousin passed away. I went to Pakistan. I thought I would spend my life with someone who I genuinely liked, only to have reality strike and say that no that’s not possible. And then once the semester started in August, the stress piled up even more. Then there were problems with my parents and problems with my family. And so that piled up on top of everything else. (Now I understand that other people have it waaay worse, but everyone has a different level of stress tolerance. My stress tolerance is relatively high, but yesterday everything just piled on top and I was just done and sobbing.)

This time I decided to take another approach to my stress relief. Usually, in times of high stress, I tend to go on a Tumblr vent/rant or post on this blog in very vague terms. Yesterday, however, I decided to stand in front of a mirror and talk to my own reflection. It sounds insane, but before I knew the more I talked about my problems, the more I felt that burning sensation in my eyes until I was full on crying and sobbing.

I was able to be raw and open with myself, and that was comfortable for once. It felt better because actually dictating what bothered me got my emotions to come forward. Simply typing up a blog post just makes me feel better that at least I wrote out about my problems, but they’re still there in the back of my mind. It doesn’t do anything to make me feel better. Talking to my reflection, as insane as it sounds, made it seem like there was someone there to listen to me. So when I tricked my brain into believing that, the tears naturally started flowing.

I feel better and now I know how to cope with all the mental and emotional stress that builds up from being in pharmacy school. Stress is a natural part of life, but if you can’t do anything to reduce the stress levels, then you slowly just die from the inside until you’re just a reflection of your former self. I saw that change in myself. Letting the stress pile up made me more bitter, angry, and less patient with people around me. I feel much better today. Maybe one day I will stop talking to my reflection and verbalize my feelings to a friend, SO, or my parents. But until then, this shall suffice.

The one that matters — October 8, 2015

The one that matters

Here’s some free-writing based on real moments. Hope you enjoy. Also, hi, it’s been a while. I’ve been so busy with school. 2 more years of pharmacy school to go!

I wish you would smile more and appreciate the fact you were blessed with a wonderful life by the One and Only. When I see you smile at events like graduation, I feel happy because that’s a genuine smile. But I know you are severely depressed. But life is a gift from God. I wish you’d prefer staying alive than dying. What hurts the most is when you talk about wanting to die. Life is temporary, that I know, but life is also a gift.

I wish you would appreciate everything about life. The fact that you do have a wonderful family with a wonderful husband and wonderful kids. That’s all that should matter. You should love the fact that you live away from the horrors that plague your home country. Yes, I know your family lives there. But do they actually care about you? Tell me one time they actually cared about you. When you’re with your other family, you have no say in important decisions. That’s probably why you feel the way you do.

I know life is hard for you. That’s why I always pray that you are happy. If living here does not make you happy, then you can go away. I know you prefer the other country. If you think they truly care for you and you will genuinely be happy, then you can go. I have accepted that fact that living away from you is fine if that is the key to your happiness. Sorry, we don’t like the other country, but if you like it, be happy and feel free to move there. I just want you to be happy because you have truly had the hardest life.

I am sorry for everything. You’ve had the hardest life. I don’t want you to wish that life ended for you. I want you to appreciate everything about your life, but focus more on the good. I want to see you happy during every occasion. I want those tears to be tears of happiness and not tears of sorrow. I am so sorry for everything you’ve been through in life, even the things I haven’t done. Someone needs to tell you how important you are, and to me, you are the most important person I know. You are my bestest friend. I love you so much, and I want everything in life to go perfectly for you..

Yours truly.

I know this is sad, but this was a way for me to vent my feelings. A lot of personal things have been happening in life, and while I won’t share too much, this vague post hopefully explains some things. It certainly did feel like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Till next time, stay happy always.

Medora Lipsticks Review — August 27, 2015

Medora Lipsticks Review

This is something new I wanted to try out. I know this blog mainly serves the purpose of venting and sharing my thoughts, but I also wanted to do reviews of certain products that I buy or share OOTDs. This is the first post that’s beauty/fashion related. Please let me know on what could be better in future reviews.

When I went to Pakistan, the one thing I really wanted besides the amazing food was a Medora lipstick. Medora has been around for such a long time. My mother received Medora lipsticks as part of her “beauty box” during her wedding. I saw reviews of Medora lipsticks online and thought they were wonderful. Being 21, I am just starting to get into the habit of wearing lipsticks. Now that my face has matured lipstick doesn’t make me look like a 12 year old playing dress up anymore haha.

In total, I bought 4 Medora lipsticks from a store near my nani’s house called Hydri Super Market. Each lipstick was 99 rupees, which roughly equates to about 99 cents! This means I got 4 amazing lipsticks in less than $5.

IMG_1298

While each box says “matte lipstick”, not all the shades are matte. The ones I bought were matte, but there was this one color that had flecks of glitter in it, but the lady at the counter was still saying it’s matte. I absolutely hate shimmer lipsticks, so I stuck on strictly matte rule. The four shades I bought were Demure, Hint of Pink, Coffee, and Rose Berry (see below).

IMG_1299

I love all four shades, but my favorite color has got to be Coffee. It looks so good on my skintone. It’s very similar to MAC’s Chili, but it’s slightly lighter with a more brownish tone. It’s a gorgeous shade of red. I like having dark lips, but I’m not entirely comfortable sporting bold shades. These lipsticks are perfect because I can add on or just apply one coat of lipstick and call it a day.

IMG_1300

The above picture is taken without flash. The shades (from left to right) are Hint of Pink, Demure, Rose Berry, and Coffee. They look different swatched on my hand, but when I wear them on my lips, it’s a completely different color. I think that’s due to the fact that my lips are naturally dark and pigmented. Another thing that’s great about these lipsticks is the fact that they work with Desi skintones. The biggest problem I have hear in America when buying lipsticks is finding a color with the right undertones to match and look good on my skin tone. It’s really hard to find lipsticks formulated to work well with yellow undertones, but these Medora ones are perfect.

These are all single coats. You can see how pigmented these lipsticks are. The only color I haven’t worn is Hint of Pink. My least favorite color is Demure because it looks like a weird bubblegum pink on my lips. Another problem I had was that one of the lipsticks was actually broken, so I had to go and exchange it. I don’t know if that’s common with Medora, but it’s the first time that’s ever happened to me with lipstick.

NOTE: I know I should show how these lipsticks look on my actual lips. I did intend to, but my camera battery died. I will try my best to show those swatches later, but no promises.

I wish I could have bought the entire collection they had at Hydri Super Market, but sadly I limited myself to only four. I also had a limited amount of money that night, so I had to divide it amongst the other things I bought from there.

TLDR;

Pros: Highly pigmented, works well with skin, stays on for at least 6 hours (that’s the longest I’ve worn it), inexpensive!!

Cons: Very strong waxy smell, packaging could use improvement, not creamy so need to wear chapstick underneath

Overall Rating:  4.5/5 stars

stars photo cred: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b9/4.5_stars.svg

This was my first review, so please let me know in the comments what I did well and didn’t do well. I would love to hear feedback. Until then, au revoir. 

Pakistan 2015 — August 21, 2015

Pakistan 2015

I have so many things to say about our trip to Pakistan this time. It was a whirlwind to say the least. Before I begin, there are some things I purchased from Pakistan which I wanted to write a review on (fragrances, lipsticks, etc). The problem is I decided against creating a new blog dedicated to fashion and the like. Well, long story short, I’m going to use this blog for more than just life updates. Anyway on to our Pakistan trip!

Our plane landed around iftar time. By the time we got done with immigration and got our luggage, it was exactly iftar time. The funniest thing was walking out of the airport and having our glasses immediately fog up due to the heat and humidity outside. We called my uncle to ask him where he was since no one was there to pick us up. Turns out they were all in the car. From the airport, our luggage went to my dadi’s house, and we went with my cousin to my aunt and uncle’s house since their daughter passed away the month before. Visiting their house left me feeling uneasy. It felt so empty without my cousin; she was so young and beautiful, but Allah takes away the ones near and dear to his heart soon. My aunt and parents were sobbing uncontrollably, and I just didn’t know what to do.

Coincidentally, the same night was chand raat. This meant Eid was the next day. Everyone was getting ready for Eid by going to beauty salons to get their mehndi, eyebrows, arms, etc done. There I was, going from house to house with my parents. From our tai ammi’s house, we went to my dadi’s house. Four of my dad’s brothers live there with their families, so we could easily meet everyone. We went to meet my cousins and uncle; their mother (and his wife) had passed away last October. More uncontrollable sobbing. This first day was very awkward for both me and my brother; it had been three years since we’d seen our family, so we didn’t even know what to do or say to them.

On Eid, we went over to my nani’s house and met with my mom’s brothers and their families. I refuse to talk about one of her brothers and his family. Nani and nana gave us Eidi, so did mamu and mami. Everyone kept giving us Eidi, it was great. My tai ammi held a fatiha on Eid day for her daughter, so after nani and nana’s house we spent the entire day there. At tai ammi’s house, I met tai ammi’s side of the family which included her sister, her sister in law, and her mother. They were all so warm and welcoming. I am so touched by the way they treated us. Her sister became my friend in a way. We were both laying down after a long, tiring Eid and just talking about stuff. Tai ammi’s mother was adorable. One of my older cousins (the jokester from here on out) kept joking around with my brother and me. He’s like “I’m going to talk to Eabad in English alone so that no one hears my terrible English.” Omg he was such a riot. Eid in Pakistan was wonderful and lovely. It was made even better due to the fact that we spent Eid with family. I wish it were possible to celebrate Eid in Pakistan every year.

The rest of our trip was a mix of shopping and visiting family. I stayed in my dadi’s house (for one day), nani’s house (majority), and tai ammi’s house (two days). We also attended a total of three weddings which was exhausting– one valima, one mehndi and barat, one nikkah. My uncle’s friend’s valima was held in a banquet hall (newly made full A/C halls in Pakistan). My second cousin’s mehndi and baraat were great, but I couldn’t see properly half the time since my contacts were with my tai ammi. The most important festivity though was my older cousin’s nikkah. He’s the oldest out of all our cousins on our dad’s side, and now he’s finally married. May Allah bless you and bhabhi with a happily married life.

The most important thing I got out of this trip was the nature of people. Yes, there are members of my family whom I refuse to talk to and want nothing to do with. There are members of my family who I can tolerate enough to pleasantly chat with them. And then there are members of my family who I absolutely love and would do anything for. These past few years the only reason I hated Pakistan was because I thought that the love present among our relationships had vanished. But that’s not the case. Only some people have forgotten the value of such relationships, but those who still love us and welcome us exist also. I should focus my time and effort into maintaining those relationships. If someone doesn’t want to talk to me or greet me properly, then screw them. There are other members of the family who love me and cherish the moments we spend together.

I can safely say, without regret, that I won’t mind going back to Pakistan. There are people I truly love back there, and I would do anything for them. I can safely say that I miss Pakistan and my family.

The foundations of faith — June 22, 2015

The foundations of faith

I just got done crying my heart out…literally. I was writing another blog post, but it was to personal to post so now it’s just sitting in my drafts.

I had a heartfelt conversation with my friend today during our “study session.” These study sessions always end up with us talking about random things. Today, it was our annoying relatives back home. I kinda just ended up spilling my heart out to her, but the best thing was she just sat there and listened. That’s what I needed the most anyway. I needed someone who would genuinely listen to my problems, maybe throw in a comment here and there. She did exactly that. She listened, empathized, and just commented occasionally. It felt really good to let off steam. But I went off a tangent again.

I wanted to write about my faith in Allah, the Arabic word for God. I could have said God, but I like clearing misconceptions people have about things.

I’ve had so many moments where I just cry before bed. They’re usually preceded by something depressing or upsetting. Every time I have that emotional breakdown, I tend to have a conversation with God. I pray to God explaining to Him, explain to Him, and ask for Him to make it better.

There was a time in eighth grade when I felt alone. I felt like I had no friends, and the friends that I did have were fake. I would cry a lot during that year. Every time I cried, I asked God for a best friend. A few years later God gave me exactly what I wanted. I wouldn’t trade my baes for anything. My college friends are also a part of this blessing.

I used to fight with my mom a lot. There came a point where I thought she hated me. I thought she hated the fact that I was born. I thought she wished that my brother was her only child. Every time I cried after our fights, I told Him how I was fed up. I asked Him to make our relationship better. Sure enough, He did. My mom compliments the littlest things now. She expresses her joy during my tiny accomplishments. Receiving that motherly love without the pain and anguish makes me happy.

Does this mean my life is perfect? No, my life is far from that. Does that mean I blame God for the small problems I have? No, the small problems are materialistic. Who cares if I don’t have enough money for the most expensive shoes and car? What matters the most is that I’m happy. I’m content with the smallest things in life.

In Islam we have a belief that pretty much says that each person receives a test from God. The test assesses faith. Each person receives the test in a different form. For example, there are poverty stricken people in Pakistan who have a rather strong faith in Allah. If you ask them about their financial situation, they’ll reply they’re content because at least they have life and maybe food and water. They’re the sweetest people you meet, and they will shower you with blessings, the best present of all.

Yes, there are some things I pray for and don’t get. But that doesn’t mean God didn’t hear me. That just means deep down inside I didn’t really want them.

Why Desis should start taking mental health seriously — June 11, 2015

Why Desis should start taking mental health seriously

The second you mention something along the lines of depression, anxiety, psychiatric, bipolar, etc (you get the point), Desi people lose their shit (excuse my language). These are actual things I’ve heard from Desi people in regards to mental health:

  • Are you calling my daughter/son psycho?
  • Psycho hogai hai (She’s become psycho)
  • Mera beta pagal nahi hai (My son is not crazy)
  • Tumhe kyun depression hai (why do you have depression?)

As you can see, mental health, in Desi culture, is never associated with something positive. People often view such mentions as threats to their pride and image. In Muslim households, parents attribute poor mental health as a sign of not being spiritual enough. “Oh you just need to pray more and be closer to Allah,” they say. But what they do not know is that in those low moments, during those darkest hours, the only being we have to turn towards is Allah. And so we pray and pray that just maybe, for once and for all, please God, cure me from this terrible disease. Since there is such a stigma associated with mental health and depression and even a mention of the word will lead to a loud “PSYCHOOOOOOO,” Desi youth never get the necessary professional help they so desperately need.

This despicable attitude towards mental health needs to stop. Mental health is a serious issue, and if Desi youth don’t have their parents to turn to when times are rough, then who will they ask for help?

Deepika Padukone, a famous celebrity in India, recently came out and told everyone about her depression. She also mentioned that people would often remark to her, “you’re so famous and rich, why would you be depressed?” (or something along the lines). That’s just the thing. Why are we equating a successful life to that of a life of happiness? You can have everything in the world, but you can still feel empty inside. You can have that smile plastered on your face, but you can still be stuck in the deepest pit. You can try to pull yourself up from it, but there will also be that lingering creature that holds you back.

India has the highest rates of depression compared to anywhere in the world. It also has one of the highest rates of suicide. Pakistan is not far behind, either. Out of the numbers of doctors that graduate from medical school, only about “0.002 [become] psychiatrists [and] 0.07 [become] psychologists (SOURCE).” That totals to about 340 psychologists in the entire country (SOURCE). The entire nation of Pakistan only has an alarming five hospitals dedicated to mental health. Overall, only 0.40% of health expenditures are spent on mental health facilities.

If you think about, South Asian teens are faced with multitudes of stress. If you’re a girl, it’s the fear of getting married off to a young age, or the fear of not getting married at all due to ridiculously high dowry demands. If you’re a boy, it’s finding a good job, so that you can take care of your family. Even if you’re foreign raised, you may not necessarily have as much stress concerning marriage, but you still have to worry about being getting good grades, going to a good college, and getting a decent job– all to make your parent’s sacrifice worth it. Who cares if you’re truly passionate about art and music? No, you major in biology, chemistry, engineering, business, etc: anything that will get you the dough after you graduate.

Youth in Pakistan face even more stress. We may think our lives are hard, but remember that shooting at the army school in Peshawar? Oh you bet those kids were scarred for life. Can you imagine the emotional trauma they suffered seeing their own teacher being burned alive in front of their eyes? Are they going to get access to mental health facilities? Or will society also call them psycho (EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH SHIT)?

Or how about those kids who constantly witness drones attacking their homes or their neighbors’ homes? They see their mother, father, and grandparents fall victim to these drones. Are you going to say they’re psycho also?

Mental health is a real issue. Now I know most of the scenarios I mentioned above may not affect everyone, but still bullying is prevalent throughout the world. I still remember being called fat, ugly, a bitch, disgusting etc in middle school. I still remember my culture being mocked by my peers. Those scars won’t ever disappear; they will always be a part of me.

So to anyone who mocks mental health and denies someone the care they need, DON’T. Act now before it’s too late. Depression leads to devastating consequences. Let go of your ignorance and just act. You don’t want to wake up one day only to see your child has resorted to cutting themselves.

Some notables: One| two| three

Summer goals — May 9, 2015

Summer goals

Yo whaddup blog readers?! Finals week was over a week ago, so I’ve had a week of chilling and sleeping and relaxing. Actually, immediately after my last final, we (as in my friends and me) went to watch the AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON. AND OMFG THAT WAS WONDERFUL! I’m going to watch it again tomorrow with da familia, so if y’all want a review hit me up (lulz, never gonna get a reply on that). Oh I’ve been watching a lot of Gossip Girl lately. I decided to watch some TV shows for the summer before I go off to a rendezvous in Pakistan in July. And let me just tell you, GG is great. There’s something great about watching the elite dance and party with no care in the world, but then hidden beneath are all the troubles of the world.

Besides watching shows, I have a lot to accomplish this summer. This includes hot bod, more writing, career plans, etc. Writing is something I definitely want to focus on this summer. I’ve been thinking of couplets and phrases in my free time, but they haven’t prospered to something great just yet. I just want to spend some time with a pen and a piece of paper and write away. So many ideas, so little time, so few words. Better get to it then.

This was just an update post. More posts to come soon. Still working on that fashion blog don’t worry.

Just an update (yet again) — April 4, 2015

Just an update (yet again)

Yooo, so if you ever visit my blog via URL and don’t just read the posts that show up on your reader, you might notice some changes in the layout and format of this blog. That’s right, I ditched the ballons theme, and I am now going with a more subtle and polished theme. I quite like the new theme, what do you guys think? (she says to the crickets)

I’m thinking about starting a fashion blog, but the thing is my style is literally just pants, T-shirt (sometimes fancy blouse), shoes, and cardigan; then walk right out the door. I don’t know if it would be that great of a fashion blog honestly. I never really wear dresses or skirts or other things of the like. But I’ve always wanted to have a fashion blog because I ABSOLUTELY LOVE fashion (and shoes, especially shoes).

Thing is, I tend to go shopping with my mom, who likes to mention that I am buying way too many shoes or clothes and that I need to stop. Actually, deep down, I sometimes feel that way also. I guess I have that minimalist sort of nature where I don’t want too much, just enough to get by. But then I love reading fashion blogs and seeing the lovely outfits people come up with and I’m like WHY NOT ME.

I also don’t think I have the body for fashion blogs. But that would be revolutionary though wouldn’t it? A fashion blog run by someone who’s not the ideal body type. (I am not body shaming) It would certainly give me more confidence about my body and all the quirks that come with it. No, but actually though, knocked knees make me very self conscious. I can’t even walk properly because of them. FML.

I already have my fashion blog name reserved on WordPress lol, just need to start it. The semester is slowly winding down, so who knows maybe I’ll have time to properly fashion blog. I can also put that fancy camera to test. It’s kinda just been sitting there for three years; kinda sad honestly. I used to be so into photography and writing, but now that I’m in pharmacy school all I think about is healthcare and science. I subconsciously write patients instead of people and then I have to change it back.

Three more years left of pharmacy school (P2, P3, and P4). Hopefully these years will fly by. I am trying to put myself out there and be more comfortable with everyone, but I’m slowly becoming my former self. I am not as confident as I think; physically, my body is changing. It’s not the -40 lbs that it once was; it’s more like the -10 lbs slowly creeping back up to 0 change. I wish I didn’t care about physical appearance as much because then I could be more confident, but like I said growing up as a fat kid does things to you.

Okay, my laptop was literally going strong with like 2% battery left, but now it’s yelling at me to charge it. Literally at 0% battery. I am adventurous.

Till then, bonne journée.